Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day

Dear Maverick,

Today is Father's Day. Your family will spend the day doing what ever your dad wishes to do. We have had a busy week at work and trying to get your brother accustomed to preschool. Yesterday we spent the day at the beach with your aunts, uncles and cousins and then had some friend's over for a cookout. Today is Sunday and the first chance I have had to sit down and write you all week.

I knew being back at work would make me too busy to think about you as much as I had the first two weeks after your birthday. I did think about you often, but was distracted and didn't have time to dwell on your passing. It has been over three weeks since your birthday and the time is flying by. I know your due date will be here sooner then if I was still carrying you in my womb. I'm honestly becoming okay with all of this. It's sad but nice that I don't cry over losing you hardly at all anymore. Sometimes, I sit and read about loss and then look at your pictures just to have a good cry, but I can't cry. I can't get the tears to surface, so I give up. I'm still sad when I think of you, but for some reason I can't seem to cry.

I guess to sum up how I feel about you is happy. I'm happy to have met you. I'm happy to be your mom. I'm happy of my success in overcoming the extreme emotions of your loss. I'm happy with my life, even now after losing you. I feel blessed to be your mom. I feel blessed to have your dad and brother in my life. I feel blessed to have the salon and all of my wonderful clients. I have some amazing friends and family. I have a huge support system and I guess I'm ready to move on with life, after you! I love you so much and love you more and more each day. I'm truly happy!

I know you are having so much fun in heaven, little angel baby.

I love you,

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